June 26th was suppose to be a "happy day" we were going to our first ultrasound. A day what every mother looks forward to. I was 11weeks and 2days pregnant with our first child that we had tried to conceive for 7months and prior to that my husband had a reversal since we both decided we wanted to start a family together so it's been a semi-long road. Finally, we got the baby we both wanted, how exciting right?! Well that joy turned quickly into sorrow. When the u/s tech said she couldn't show me anything and right then and there I knew something was wrong. She said she'd send the images to the radiology tech and my Dr. She said I could get dressed and she'd call my husband in to come by me. (Which they should let your husband come in there with you from the start, not call them in after they do some scans because when something goes down like this you want someone to be there by your side trust me, I mean I got the news before him and we should have gotten it together, just as we should get to see the baby together for the first time if it would have been the other way around). So we drove home and I got the dreaded news that the baby had no heartbeat... it was surreal. I mean why would this happen to us?! So I really was in disbelief and I had so many thoughts running through my mind. I wanted a second opinion etc. I went and saw my Dr and he scheduled the d&c, I decided that was the best route for me to take that same night before surgery I was having really bad cramping and contractions 4minutes apart lasting for a minute each as if I wasn't going thru enough emotional pain now came the physical it was pure hell lasting for about 12hrs until they performed the d&c. When the next morning July 1st rolled around for the surgery it was a bittersweet day as that was also the day I hit the 12week mark.. you know the week when you are allowed to scream on the top of your lungs to all your friends and fam that your expecting! Not us we didn't get to experience that. Days to follow were saddening, anger, numbness.. everything I guess you expect to go through. It's still so surreal to me... something you wanted so bad you finally got and then BAM it was just taken away in an instant with out warning.. I guess that just shows nothing in life is guaranteed. I don't think there's been a day yet that has gone by that I have not shed a tear :(
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